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Language: Cunt According To Dave
Author:
Dave Written: 2003/2/21 Read: 520 times
Through the years I've seen numerous articles, lists, and polls, and all contend that the hardest, obscenest, tabooist, forbiddenist, as well as unmentionable, banned and prohibited word in the English language is a proud olde Middle English noun used by none other than Chaucer when describing the female pudenda --- cunt. To jump forward a few centuries, an early 20th century erotic classic by none other than French intellectual Louis Aragon is titled "Irene?s Cunt". Who was Louis Aragon? I heard someone ask. He was the French intellectual that wrote "Irene's Cunt". Please do try to pay attention.
Cunt (the word) derives from the Anglo-Saxon cynd. The Middle English word form was kunte, identical to the Dutch and old German, and similar to the Icelandic kunta. In Latin it?s conno, and French con. Records show that in the year 1230 A.D., there was even a London street named Gropecuntlane. And you thought Piccadilly was risqué. In Cockney slang, for the poetically inclined, cunt is referred to as grumble and grunt.
As every guy knows, when aptly applied, cunt is an oooh so accurate description of certain types of men and women. Why should the use of this picturesque word be such a no-no, when it doesn?t raise a nun's eyebrows to refer to someone as a pussy? Cunt is a much needed word, because, let?s face it, simply referring to a woman as a bitch, when trying to be derogatory, just doesn?t get it. Numerous ladies seem proud to be considered bitches, often referring to themselves as such. Not being one to normally splits hairs, but I?ve never heard of even one bitch proudly referring to herself as "one nasty cunt".
I know people who clam up, whose pucker factor potentially pulsates to preposterously disproportionate palpitations, when they just hear the cunt word, (let alone see, feel, or stroke it).Yet when angered, these same individuals don?t hesitate to refer to someone as a dickhead, bastard, cocksucker, asshole, prick, dumb bunny, dickwad ? well, you get the idea. So why should this once proud cunt-noun presently be so (self)-censored? Cock-teaser usually doesn?t raise an eyebrow, (the term, not the actual person of the cock-teasing persuasion) even in mixed company. Strange, but I never hear the term cunt-teaser being used to describe the male equivalent. Does referring to a cunt as a pussy or beaver really make it more palatable? Is muff, nookie, poon, snatch, twat or Mother Nature's tacobell truly more tasteful, figuratively speaking, of course, than cunt? Not to my cherry-popped ears it isn't.
What is a cunt, as used in this linguistically inclined discourse? Of course there?s always the literal, scientific meaning, which is, er, as I recall from freshman biology 101, I think it means pussy. What I?m referring to here though is the more poetically licensed meaning of the word. It?s not easy to put a definitive clitation on this more lyrical usage. It?s just one of those terms that, when used, everyone knows what it means. Of course, there?s no shortage of qualifying examples in the world, little known but to their intimates, as well as the more famous, or perhaps I should say infamous world-class cunts. Leona Helmsly and Marge Schrott, owner of the Cincinnati Reds, immediately come to mind, as well as Nancy Reagan and Cuntolezza Rice. Every time I hear Condi Rice?s name, it makes me want to buy a box of crackly dry prophylactics, preferably manufactured before the mid-1970s, when her mental development seems to have frozen. A friend of mine said that hearing her name puts him in the mood to give someone ? hell, anyone, condolences for whatever, whether they need it or not.
Some males even qualify as being class-A cunts. Do the names Ari Fleisher, Donnie Rumsfeld, or Karl Rove ring a bell? Oily G. Dubya would qualify, if he wasn?t such a big, yeasty, cowardly pussy. Heck! Now that I think about it, in his own cute, ignorant little way, I guess that Bush does qualify as an ignor-cunt. But perhaps I'm decunting, er, I mean digressing a tad.
What are some of the qualifiers for being classified a real cunt? you were undoubtedly getting ready to ask. Being manically egotistical helps, which includes knowing that even though you vaguely realize that you don?t possess a functioning thought process, and that whenever any decision has to be made, the only deciding factor is whatever will benefit you personally. Period! Whatever the cost to mankind. Looking at the world?s currently appointed leader, I guess that being hypocritical, sanctimonious, holier than thou , self-righteous, smug, and a pious bully are also obvious qualifiers. Did I mention hypocritical?
Except for manly talk between young guys, the only time I remember the word cunt being frequently used without raising an eyebrow was when I was in the military. The common usage name for the garrison cap, a soft, two-pointed dress hat, was, due to its shape, commonly referred to as a cunt-cap, even by soldiers' wives and camp followers. Following logical progression, this is probably where the term dickhead originated.
In concluding climax, it seems to me that to have such hypocritical taboos about some words, like cunt, just because they represent a body part, is a problem that, while minor in the greater scheme of things, should be lickable. It?s like saying F-word instead of just saying fuck. To those proponents of this hypocritical practice, I can only say, "F-word you! You ... you c-person, you!"
© 2003 by David Cogan